Yes it is the truth. I am two years into a program which I always thought I would go into, then decided I didn't want after all, then decided to go into anyway to escape the oppressive regime at home, then realised it is keeping me dependent on my family in a way I never wanted (financial, to be exact). The things one does under stress...
It turns out I am actually good at this medicine thing so far. Depsite my misanthropy, I am pretty good at interacting with patients. Heck, I even got a little teary-eyed talking to one of them; a pregnant lady with a bad family situation. One thing about medicine is undeniable, sure makes my problems look trivial. I have also been told several times by teachers that I have an excellent knowledge of therapeutics, i.e. if a pharmacist is a drug pusher, I maybe a drug enabler. I think I will survive. The most difficult part is dealing with the bureaucracy, the paper work, the politics, and the brown-nosing. All of which I despise in healthy doses. Agreeing with a superior who is fucking up was something I had never thought I would have to do. It turns out medicine is an extremely heirarchical system, like all major and powerful institutions (y'know religion, military, government; yeah medicine is right up there with these three).
Last semester was more difficult emotionally and finiancially, and not so much academically. Its over. I finished my first board exam, did ok on it, and now I am looking forward to starting clinicals in Connecticut at the end of the month.
I decided to resurrect the blog (thank you Blogger for not deleting it) because I realised I will have a lot more to share over my clinical years. I will also need a lot more space to rant, rave and let out some steam in general. I hope my schedule isn't so punishing that I end up ignoring this thing again. Off and on relationships are a specialty of mine.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
on a roll...
Riding on adrenaline from my vicious swipe at the patriarchal model elsewehere, I typed this entry which I then relocated to my blog.
You'd think a news article about the ethics of robotics would be fairly benign regarding sexism but you would be wrong. In South Korea committees are meeting, plans are being drawn and no doubt lots of coffee is being consumed to come up with a set of guidlines that prevent the abuse of robots by humans and vice- versa. To warn us about the slippery sloap humanity is on, Park Hye-Young of the ministry of robotics has this to say: "Imagine if some people treat androids as if the machines were their wives"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6425927.stm
Well I'd rather have people treat machines as their wives than give that treatment to women because evidently being a wife is not something even a robot should have to endure. And somehow I agree.
Other than that, I think these are exciting times. I can't wait to see robots doing more than dancing and waving japanese paper fans around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPqkAYGlynI
Like shovelling my driveway or mowing the lawn. I have strong opinions about grass too. If it is only going to exist in an ornamental capacity in my front lawn it might as well be fake.
You'd think a news article about the ethics of robotics would be fairly benign regarding sexism but you would be wrong. In South Korea committees are meeting, plans are being drawn and no doubt lots of coffee is being consumed to come up with a set of guidlines that prevent the abuse of robots by humans and vice- versa. To warn us about the slippery sloap humanity is on, Park Hye-Young of the ministry of robotics has this to say: "Imagine if some people treat androids as if the machines were their wives"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/6425927.stm
Well I'd rather have people treat machines as their wives than give that treatment to women because evidently being a wife is not something even a robot should have to endure. And somehow I agree.
Other than that, I think these are exciting times. I can't wait to see robots doing more than dancing and waving japanese paper fans around.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPqkAYGlynI
Like shovelling my driveway or mowing the lawn. I have strong opinions about grass too. If it is only going to exist in an ornamental capacity in my front lawn it might as well be fake.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
home sweet home?
sipping tea. unpacking. missing london.
the worst part about travelling is that it has to come to an end. All the responsibilties, deadlines, the daily minutae comes back to you. Being away I could appreciate what home and family meant, but being back is certainly less fulfilling than I had imagined. There is a certain joy in wandering lost on the streets of a new city, alone and completely self reliant. There you are not plagued by neuroses. "Where were you?", "Why are you late?", "What were you doing?" etc. etc....
I don't know why these question bother me so much. I can certainly understand why they ask and maybe I can even appreciate their concern...but what do I tell them when I don't even know the answers myself?
One of my best memories of london was getting on a bus and not knowing where it went. I went up to the top deck of the stereotypical red double-decker. It was twilight and it seemed like the city was just coming to life. People were rushing home from work and the chaos typical of every large city was pervasive. I was enjoying the sights but something was missing...I needed to know what I was looking at! I casually struck up a conversation with a stranger. He told me things about london that no tourist usually hears, he told me what he did, he asked me what I did, he pointed out the sights to me, he asked me out for a drink but I declined, he said goodbye to me at the train station.
There is a certain confidence in being a tourist that one never feels in their hometown. Perhaps the anonymity? Maybe..but to a greater extent a tourist is already where they are suppose to be...in transit, whereas life generally demands more responsibilities.
the worst part about travelling is that it has to come to an end. All the responsibilties, deadlines, the daily minutae comes back to you. Being away I could appreciate what home and family meant, but being back is certainly less fulfilling than I had imagined. There is a certain joy in wandering lost on the streets of a new city, alone and completely self reliant. There you are not plagued by neuroses. "Where were you?", "Why are you late?", "What were you doing?" etc. etc....
I don't know why these question bother me so much. I can certainly understand why they ask and maybe I can even appreciate their concern...but what do I tell them when I don't even know the answers myself?
One of my best memories of london was getting on a bus and not knowing where it went. I went up to the top deck of the stereotypical red double-decker. It was twilight and it seemed like the city was just coming to life. People were rushing home from work and the chaos typical of every large city was pervasive. I was enjoying the sights but something was missing...I needed to know what I was looking at! I casually struck up a conversation with a stranger. He told me things about london that no tourist usually hears, he told me what he did, he asked me what I did, he pointed out the sights to me, he asked me out for a drink but I declined, he said goodbye to me at the train station.
There is a certain confidence in being a tourist that one never feels in their hometown. Perhaps the anonymity? Maybe..but to a greater extent a tourist is already where they are suppose to be...in transit, whereas life generally demands more responsibilities.
Friday, February 16, 2007
India
In conclusion, India is a land of contrasts.
Details and pictures to follow later; currently embroiled in a sea of clothing and suitcases and why the @#$% do I need to carry so much?!?!
Details and pictures to follow later; currently embroiled in a sea of clothing and suitcases and why the @#$% do I need to carry so much?!?!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Cats
Cats. I never thought I would like cats much. They are cute just like all other critters but I never thought I could bond with one. My family is not very fond of pets in general and any mention of getting anything more complicated than a fish is quickly shot down. They do have a point; humane treatment of pets requires a fair amount of effort. Fate however works in strange ways because our newest basement tenants happen to have a cat. This cat is oh-so-cute and oh-so-manipulative. Initially it will mew incessantly to get our attention and then when one of us looks over it falls down and twists its body in a way that just makes you want to cuddle the damn thing. Its so hard to resist! Yet if I am to pay any heed to the behavioral psychology I have learned, I know I shouldn't be encouraging its antics. Not even once, because intermittent rewards make a behavior even harder to extinguish than a consistently rewarded behaviour. Which seems counterintuitive; you'd expect a consistently rewarded behaviour to have a higher value than one with an intermittent schedule. For example, if the vending machine always gives you an extra candy bar you are extremely likely to go to that vending machine every chance you get. With an intermittent schedule you're not really sure whether you'll be getting a reward so common sense suggests you might not always go to that vending machine. However, conditioning is not based on the value of the reward but the possibility of a reward, ANY reward. So what do you do when the reliable vending machine stops giving you extra candy. You realise someone has fixed it and move on with your life. However, with the intermittently rewarding machine, a prolonged schedule of no reward still might not be enough to convince you that the machine has been fixed. You'd just think you've hit a long unlucky streak. Does this scenario sound familiar? If it does then you have recognised that this very psychological manipulation lies at the heart of gambling.
But we were discussing the cat... yes its cute and smart. My kind of animal.
But we were discussing the cat... yes its cute and smart. My kind of animal.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Laziest day yet.
I would like to nominate this day as my laziest yet. Cooking lunch was the extent of my productivity today and yes it was a kickass paneer sabzi, but goddamn it, its not enough.
I'd blame the pot I smoked last night but Ouzo is the more likely culprit. That thing could either raise the dead or put a hyper maniac on meth to sleep. Insane stuff. No more.
I watched the much anticipated 'Little Mosque on the Praire' as well. I was expecting an ethnic version of 'Corner Gas'. Small town antics; that kind of stuff. And it was, but there were other things too: racial profiling, religious hoo haa, potential romance in the context of a conservative culture (are imams allowed to marry?). The word 'terrorist' was thrown around like confetti and one dialogue stands out. When Rasheed, the new imam from Torornto, lands in Mercy, Sask. (?) with controversy trailing behind him a journalist asks him if he has any links to Al-Qaeda. The daughter of the local contractor retorts at the reporter's ineptitude by asking him if he has any links with journalism.
The show has potential in Canada where people are used to the kind of humor seen on Corner Gas and Made in Canada (remeber that? With Rick Mercer?) but it probably will not find an audience south of the border where people demand laugh out loud kind of humour (the Ha-Ha, 'rolling on the floor' type).
Does it count as productive if it all happens in my head? Because if that does count it has been an enormously productive day. But just like there exists no Nobel prize for attempted chemistry, there's no prize for attempted...what was I suppose to be doing today anyway?
yawn.
I'd blame the pot I smoked last night but Ouzo is the more likely culprit. That thing could either raise the dead or put a hyper maniac on meth to sleep. Insane stuff. No more.
I watched the much anticipated 'Little Mosque on the Praire' as well. I was expecting an ethnic version of 'Corner Gas'. Small town antics; that kind of stuff. And it was, but there were other things too: racial profiling, religious hoo haa, potential romance in the context of a conservative culture (are imams allowed to marry?). The word 'terrorist' was thrown around like confetti and one dialogue stands out. When Rasheed, the new imam from Torornto, lands in Mercy, Sask. (?) with controversy trailing behind him a journalist asks him if he has any links to Al-Qaeda. The daughter of the local contractor retorts at the reporter's ineptitude by asking him if he has any links with journalism.
The show has potential in Canada where people are used to the kind of humor seen on Corner Gas and Made in Canada (remeber that? With Rick Mercer?) but it probably will not find an audience south of the border where people demand laugh out loud kind of humour (the Ha-Ha, 'rolling on the floor' type).
Does it count as productive if it all happens in my head? Because if that does count it has been an enormously productive day. But just like there exists no Nobel prize for attempted chemistry, there's no prize for attempted...what was I suppose to be doing today anyway?
yawn.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
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